For Mum

She held my hands in hers and with a steady gaze said `I am so happy for you that its all worked out`
Something shifted inside my heart
I knew from the depths of my heart she sincerely meant it

But how could I tell my friend of many years the truth without disillusioning her?
Could I tell her I was afraid and hardly slept? That my kids were often sick? Could I tell her all this and more and break her heart?

The tears could hardly make it to the bus. The conductor didn't bother to ask me for my fare until the bus ride was almost over.

I dropped to the floor with my bags after I locked the door lay down in the floor of the house in the my bags.

I wept like I had not wept for years
I wept for me
More so I wept for mum
If mum was alive, it would have broken her heart to know a fraction of what I was going through
She would have cried so deeply
I was trying so hard to be brave. To be strong
She never would have asked me to
She would have solved it
She would have opened her arms and said `Ciiru, come here.`
She would have prayed with me
She would have made a cup a tea

Too many of us have lost the way
We're struggling, fighting
What would have our departed ones wished of our lives today?
Are we anywhere near honouring what they would have wished for us
What they taught us

What would God say
What does God feel about where you are today
Does it break His heart to see you struggle so
Does it break his heart to see you hurt so

He never asked you to
He's got it covered
His arms are opened wide and says `Child, come here `