This is a prejudice I find hard to confess.
Absent Fathers is what we call them. They have children but are not present in the rearing of their children. Sincerely they all fell into one category *Selfish, Spineless, had dead hearts*. Well they had walked away from their God given service and responsibility like they had a choice. And they wouldn’t look back, maybe over their shoulder but not looking back. Guilt was not an option. I dismissed as *Their loss missing out on the privilege of seeing the first tooth, the first step, the first day of school, the reassurance to give that all will be okay in the doctors room despite the huge needle. The scrapped knees to clean, the tears to wipe, the tales of their first school trip away, the unspoken fear in their eyes, the joy when you say you are proud of them.* Then they ask to be referred to as baba *so and so*. That made me see red.
All that ended. It had to when Face book happened and the stars positioned themselves to teach me a new lesson. Stories like The Stephanies, An Unfathered Father and conversations with absent fathers all in under 6 months happened and told me the story from the other end of the street. I cried myself hoarse. Curled into tight ball, I wept hard at the unfair judgment I had cast on all absent fathers. A few days ago again I was confronted across a table with this very conversation. I could see the pain in his eyes, the sincerity from his heart, his hurt. I tried to hedge, change the topic, I even considered fleeing physically, nothing doing, this was happening in his life. Here was a lesson to learn, a prejudice to face.
The women didn’t always present a fair fighting chance. The women then became the celebrated victims, the men the monsters. Our men emasculated by women and men alike. No one mediating, no one providing a fighting chance for the child(ren) who want more than even the present yet absent fathers. No one prevented a fighting chance for the men. They were branded like me with all sorts of negative names, said or unsaid.
They hurt, they long to be with their children, they ache.
For this I pray for forgiveness for the cruel and quick blanket judgment I have handed them.
Disclaimer
I acknowledge too that there are cold selfish spineless present and absent fathers too.
Absent Fathers is what we call them. They have children but are not present in the rearing of their children. Sincerely they all fell into one category *Selfish, Spineless, had dead hearts*. Well they had walked away from their God given service and responsibility like they had a choice. And they wouldn’t look back, maybe over their shoulder but not looking back. Guilt was not an option. I dismissed as *Their loss missing out on the privilege of seeing the first tooth, the first step, the first day of school, the reassurance to give that all will be okay in the doctors room despite the huge needle. The scrapped knees to clean, the tears to wipe, the tales of their first school trip away, the unspoken fear in their eyes, the joy when you say you are proud of them.* Then they ask to be referred to as baba *so and so*. That made me see red.
All that ended. It had to when Face book happened and the stars positioned themselves to teach me a new lesson. Stories like The Stephanies, An Unfathered Father and conversations with absent fathers all in under 6 months happened and told me the story from the other end of the street. I cried myself hoarse. Curled into tight ball, I wept hard at the unfair judgment I had cast on all absent fathers. A few days ago again I was confronted across a table with this very conversation. I could see the pain in his eyes, the sincerity from his heart, his hurt. I tried to hedge, change the topic, I even considered fleeing physically, nothing doing, this was happening in his life. Here was a lesson to learn, a prejudice to face.
The women didn’t always present a fair fighting chance. The women then became the celebrated victims, the men the monsters. Our men emasculated by women and men alike. No one mediating, no one providing a fighting chance for the child(ren) who want more than even the present yet absent fathers. No one prevented a fighting chance for the men. They were branded like me with all sorts of negative names, said or unsaid.
They hurt, they long to be with their children, they ache.
For this I pray for forgiveness for the cruel and quick blanket judgment I have handed them.
Disclaimer
I acknowledge too that there are cold selfish spineless present and absent fathers too.
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