Can’t really say why I was extremely wound up at that semi-formal business meeting with these 3 men my fathers’ age. But I was. Well someone posed the question “what is love?” Whether it was directed to me I don’t clearly remember cause I wasn’t really there. Either way, without much thought, I blurted out “sacrifice!”. Silence. How that conversation proceeded, I can’t say for sure but I had said my piece. Why the silence, maybe it was food for thought but that’s how my brain interpreted it and I guess it still does. I just didn’t realize it then.
A painful sacrifice it is sometimes. My best example of is Christ on the cross away from the love and comfort of heaven to these rotten beings (me included and in the front row). Yes, He could and did conquer the cross but He needed to make that ultimate sacrifice to prove His love. And He did. And everyday He does. Just to have me breathing, laughing, sneezing, His love is confirmed.
I love my daughter. In human terms I believe I do. I try the very best I can but I find my human feelings getting in the way. Anger, impatience, not understanding, me. Today she asked me over and over after doing her first backstroke, if I was proud of her. She was beaming with a toothy smile that would not let me deny her the joy of my affirmation. I was proud of her but the peering she was doing into my eyes to confirm my words, had me soul-searching. Did I really think she’d done a great jobYou should have seen her determination. Not 10 tractors would have stopped her from trying over and over again. I mean she swallowed tonnes of water but hey, not my princess would be stopped.
Affirmation. A part of sacrifice that comes from the heart. A part that makes love. He gives us that portion everyday in His word with this affirmation for each day of the year. Yet, 365 times in the bible does He promise that He is with us. If only we could, I could confidently claim that promise.
Loving my princess has meant sacrifice that’s surprised me. Many a times I have not made sense to many either but I didn’t think and still don’t think I needed to explain it. Sometimes love is hard to express. I didn’t think twice about it and wouldn’t want to keep tabs. Someone has a word for it…or two, unconditional love. But the problem with that is that you actually have to think about the love you are about to give. Love should come straight from the heart. Without any thought. But what about the man who killed his children and ate their brains when he didn’t have meat to go with his ugali? Am I being unreal in the real world? Or the man who abused his child or…Hey am going to love and love with all of my heart cause that’s what I can do and without effort!
Back to loving as a sacrifice, it’s easier to love God than it is a human being. As you clearly know, loving without a second thought has its setbacks. Some devastating effects are bound to occur; heartbreak at the top of the list. Like any adult female across the world, honestly, I long to be loved. But am I ready to love? Am I ready to love?
Earlier in the year I had an encounter that shook my very foundations. Quietly, but very clearly I was asked by God, “How can you love anyone when you don’t really love Me?” OOOH! That has turned around a lot of things that’s for sure. Topic for another day. Am I ready to be loved with reservations and convictions of many a things gone by? Have I not and still protected my heart with armour of a thousand men? And I walk around with my head tall!!(the lies we live).
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